I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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