I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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