words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
