Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
