As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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