So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
