the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I could fuck to npr.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
