she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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