I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
