you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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