Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
