i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
