So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
