Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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