hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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