shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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