A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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