You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
