No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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