Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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