i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
