I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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