Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
