My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
