I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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