Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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