at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
