I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
