You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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