my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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