At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
