This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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