Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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