did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
