He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
