If i come over, it means nothing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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