The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
