Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
