if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
