I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
