I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we should paint friendship bongs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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