I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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