Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
