i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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