no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
