Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
