I feel like abortions should bother me more
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
