Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There are leaves in my underwear?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
