I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
