am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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