i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pray to the hookup gods
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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