Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
