saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize