I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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