I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
