Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
