I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Green mimosas i think yes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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