Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
