I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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