My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
