rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
