would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
