but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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