Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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