He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
