im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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