I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize