How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
