Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
