Pappa wants mamma naked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
