i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
