Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position