i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights