A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
