if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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