Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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