ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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