Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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